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[Keetmanshoop]

This is part of the story I've been working on for so damn long that I've honestly forgotten which year I started it. College got in the way then a major damn setback as the company whose world I was writing in changed directions and would have left me out in Siberia without me even realizing it until it was far too late.

     

Eronios pivoted and ran to the back door. A loud slam followed the teen down the hallway and into the kitchen. He twisted and pulled on the doorknob with his left hand then twirled to the same side to slam the door shut. He jumped and cleared the three stairs and several feet of cobbled path, heading toward the lit street in front of the manor. A window smashed as he passed it, but the white-haired boy managed to duck the arm that reached for him.
     Eronios turned left when he hit the street, hoping that Kaeol would still be at the local Guard house to protect him. A scream found his ears but he did not look back. Eronios turned the street corner and begged his legs to keep pumping. The Guard house was in sight. A second scream came from behind and it made the teen sprint quicker.
     Someone grabbed the boy’s cloak and stopped him abruptly. With his feet flying out in front of him, his back hit the ground and his breath was blasted away.
     Eronios looked up but streetlight distorted the figure above him. The person snarled and spit hit his cheek. Metal scraped metal. The figure raised its arm. More spittle landed on his face. Eronios brought his arms up in defense. The stranger’s arm came down. Everything seemed to move so slowly…
*****
     The thin crack of light disappeared.
     Eronios ran to the keyhole and looked out.
     Metal scraped metal.
     A click.
     The door opened.
     A rough hand grabbed Eronios by the throat.
     “He’s perfect. How much?”
*****
     A rapid flash of light hit Eronios’ eyes and the figure was gone. His eyes adjusted to the bright light above him and he heard the sound of two people struggling nearby. The white-haired boy sat up to see Kaeol wrestling with the mysterious figure. Standing and reaching for his blades, he felt pain shoot up his right arm; he saw a chunk of glass protruding through his shirtsleeve. He pinched the shard between his forefinger and thumb and pulled delicately; the glass slid out. Left hand slick with blood, the teen dropped the glass piece and pressed on the two-inch-long gash.
Eronios looked up to the fight but they must have rolled off into the darkness. There was no noise except the soft hum of electricity from the light above. The teen stepped backward off the sidewalk and looked to his right arm.
     Need a bandage.
     Eronios let go of his arm and searched his pockets for something he could use to stem the bleeding. He found the bandana Aomer had used in Brightrose’s guild hall and wrapped it around his upper arm then knotted it tightly against his skin. The boy’s eyes went back to the darkness on the other side of the streetlight.
     Two blue eyes stared at Eronios.

Let me know what you guys think. Does it keep you interested without knowing what happens before and after? Anything you didn't quite get? Any comments?

[Red Intensity]

scraped metal. The figure raised its arm. More spittle landed on his face. Eronios brought his arms up in defense. The stranger’s arm came down. Everything seemed to move so slowly…

Just wondering; did the boy slip into unconsciousness because he hit hi s head on the ground too hard, or did the man fail to kill him through asphyxiation?

[Keetmanshoop]

A flashback hits him as everything slows down (others happen before in the story so the reader won't be lost when this one shows), then he's saved as Kaeol tackles the creature off him. I tried to show how he couldn't see the figure's face because of the light directly above them both and then the streetlight flashes as Kaeol tackles the figure and when they're both gone his eyes readjust to the bright light.

It's kind of a complicated event but that's how I saw it in my mind.

[nuclearHAWK87]

3 of the first 4 paragraphs start with "Eronios." Seems redundant to me. (maybe redundant is the right word I'm looking for)

Thats really the only thing I noticed that was wrong.

[Keetmanshoop]

An update for those interested:

Looks like tomorrow I'll hit 150 pages...the best part is I'm almost exactly where I thought I would be story-wise (halfway through) with a lot of questions and very few answers for the main character.

[EG NeoMorph]

Eronios one warning... it gets to take on a life of its own and you will find that your stories grow beyond what you expected... My first book went to 10,000+ words and I really should take the time one day to get back to it and trim and resubmit it for publication.

Getting a first novel accepted is hard though... The slush piles at publishers are huge.

[Keetmanshoop]

I know exactly what you mean, Neo. Half the time I'm guessing why things happen and then later on it hits me and it makes perfect sense...but the reader will be left out until I explain things covertly. I'll be hitting 55000 words tomorrow, unedited, and it's almost exactly halfway through the rough outline I made a long time ago.

[EG NeoMorph]

LOL... I missed a zero... it was 100,000+ words... For a first novel they like something shorter.

[Keetmanshoop]

It's going to be the first part of a trilogy and leave off right before a massive...well, I can't say because that wouldn't be good if things change in the meantime. My goal is around 111,000 words, if I go over, no big deal, if I'm under, no big deal. I base that number by having counted two sample pages from an R.A. Salvatore book and there was 365 words on the first and 369 on the second, so if I keep at around 450 words per day, I'll be done early March. It might sound like a low number but I can't go over that by much because I'll burn out on it and not write for months. Plus, it's not easy trying to explain what you see happening all the time when you're just the observer.

[EG Haggard Spartan]

Seems pretty good so far. Lots of action, with a lot going on. That might be also the downfall of it. Make sure you have periods of rest haha. Or else your brain is going to get tired really really quick of reading, ACTION ACTION ACTION.

Also...How do you pronounce Eronios? I think I know how, but is there a certain way?

[BAB3r]

Eer-Oh-Ne-us?

and it looks awesome Eronios

[Keetmanshoop]

Also...How do you pronounce Eronios? I think I know how, but is there a certain way?

The same as you would pronounce erroneous. It's a bit of a play on the character's back story. There's a decent mix of action, questions, and explanation...as there is with any beginning (Matrix, LotR, etc...) but I'm using modern words and vocabulary to hopefully draw the reader in. It's not high fantasy like Lord of the Rings or Eragon (read: I'm not making up different names for everyday objects) but it does have magic and mythical races. There's also a mix of Sci-Fi but the reader won't know that for a while.

[EG Haggard Spartan]

The same as you would pronounce erroneous. It's a bit of a play on the character's back story. There's a decent mix of action, questions, and explanation...as there is with any beginning (Matrix, LotR, etc...) but I'm using modern words and vocabulary to hopefully draw the reader in. It's not high fantasy like Lord of the Rings or Eragon (read: I'm not making up different names for everyday objects) but it does have magic and mythical races. There's also a mix of Sci-Fi but the reader won't know that for a while.

I like it.

[Keetmanshoop]

61000 words down, 50000 left as my goal.

[Sniped Sniper…]

Epic. Well good work and make sure you send us the finished story 
I liked it very much.

[TUBBZ]

nice i like it

[Keetmanshoop]

I figured I'd give a bit of an update as I'm close to my goal. I'm currently at 109,250 exactly and expect to reach 300 pages (111,000 words) mid-week.

I also realized that I'm pretty much going to be puking blood out of pure nervousness as I edit this entire thing because 1.) my writing style has changed drastically, making significant rewriting necessary 2.) there's a lot of work to be done, and 3.) I'm, unfortunately, a perfectionist when it comes to my own writing (during editing, especially). I don't know the number of times I've cut significant amounts of pages, but it's at least six or seven times by now.

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